9.3.06

Mass Exit-us


Skanks, trollops, hussies, "ho's," sluts, hootchies and skeezers left South Dakota this week in the wake of the reversal of abortion rights in the state.

"I'm bouncin'," declared Trixie McNeal, a renowned neighborhood floozy in Mitchell, SD. "This p*ssy is out of business."

The highways clogged, as tramps and bimbos scrambled to find a more liberal minded state. "I never thought I'd say it, but Kansas and Missouri are starting to look good. I'd like to go to New York, but I hear the taxes are a bitch."

Across the state, men are starting to feel the heat. "Nobody's puttin' out anymore," lamented one gentleman who declined to be identified. "My nuts are bluer than a smurf's ass."

Jim Bob Jenkins, a local low-life, found that his sister Thelma had installed an industrial strength Schlage deadbolt on her bedroom door. "That's it. We're moving to Kentucky."

A Schlage spokesperson declared that Thelma Jenkins is not alone. "Sales of deadbolts have skyrocketed in South Dakota. It's a bonanza." He added that company engineers were working on a pair of chain-mail panties with a cable waistband that can only be removed with a key.


Patrons of Hooter's restaurants found their favourite dining establishments boarded shut. "We just can't fin' no waitresses (sic)," announced a company spokesman.

"It's a sad, sad day when regular guys like us can't get any poon," remarked a saddened Mike Smith. "The gravy train is over." His favourite hooker boarded a bus to Oklahoma on Tuesday.

"I miss her," he said.

The governor, meanwhile, has been tracking stock prices for coat hanger manufacturers. "God bless America," he said, "and God bless South Dakota."

While the governor is making a quick buck, local dry cleaners have had to take added measures to protect their coat hanger supplies. Several Pierre dry cleaning businesses reported theft of their hangers. "I came in to work Wednesday and they were all missing. They tore out the paper 'thank you's' off of them and everything."

Meanwhile, an inebriated Jim Bob's wheels are spinning. "I'll just have to settle for head," said Jenkins.

"The f*ck you will, sh*thead," was Thelma's response.

I hear you, sister.

26 comments:

Kimmy said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

the Intuitive Woman said...

Bwahahaha! That was funny.
Michele sent me. :)

archshrk said...

Hello, Michele sent me.
Oh man, I loved this. Finally some one with a sense of humor (on this subject) It gets too tense and this really broke the tension for me.

Amanda said...

Hey - here from Michele's.

Megan said...

Naughty Prego. I loved it!

Michele sent me...

Shane said...

I'm paving a dotted yellow line here to Los Angeles. heh heh

michele sent me

Valerie said...

That made me laugh and think, here from Michele's.

T. said...

Oh, I can't breathe cuz I'm laughing my ass off. Too funny. Glad Michele sent me.

kristal said...

HAHAHAHAHA! This was a great post.

{via Michele}

utenzi said...

Michele sent me also, Prego.

That's quite the homage to conservative politics, Prego. Somehow I suspect you're not fully endorsing SD's change in policy. I just hope all that loose pussy doesn't invade NC. We don't need the trouble that follows such things. ;-)

Prego said...

Ute... how can any free thinking individual endorse anything conservative?

panthergirl said...

LOL...well as you know, here in the Pro Abortion states we put Hooters right NEXT to the abortion clinic. Just for conveeeeeeeeeenience.

This country scares me. Seriously.

Ash said...

This was a great and funny read! I will pass this along to friends who have also been talking about the "consequences" of this.
I am also really scared by this country!

The Gnat's Trumpet said...

An instant classic. Very funny take on this insanity.

Ciera said...

I'm a busdriver...thanks for stopping by!

angela marie said...

Wow...sarcasm, my favorite medium.

Loved it, thanks!

Here from Michele's!

~A~ said...

*LMAO* Oh you make my belly hurt Prego. Does this mean I can skip the ab workout this morning? Maybe I should start sending you money instead of buying videos to get my pro-life, mom of four, not living in SD abs back in shape. I can just come here and have a good laugh.

I can't decide which is better, this or your ode to dog shit clean up. Which it's been a few months, has your honey reminded you to do it again?

Prego said...

~A~

All the snow here in Booflax has melted. Unfortunately, so have the shitscicles. It's on the "Honey Do" list for this weekend. Thanks for the reminder.

Mary Tsao said...

OMG. I'm cracking up. But please don't tell any of my feminist friends that I visit your blog.

Damn, that picture is just too much.

Meghan said...

Here is a letter to the Editor from our local paper:

S.D. ABORTION BAN

"It will gain tourists

To all of you prochoice tourists threatening South Dakota with your absence, rest assured that your threats will go unnoticed. Every missing angry prochoice tourist will be replaced with a happy antiabortion tourist.

We're now planning a visit to South Dakota in August, and we may just consider moving there.

RANDY BACKOUS, RAMSEY"

Hey Randy, I hear happy antiabortion tourists can't party for shit. South Dakota will be the new home for people seeking treatment for insomnia. One day in the state, immersed in self-righteous control freaks will put the most restless mind to sleep. ZZZZZZ.

And PLEASE move there. PLEASE!!!! I will pay your bus fare Randy! GO BE WITH YOUR PEOPLE!!!!

Jessica said...

Dude, that hooker will hate it here in Oklahoma. Abortion is banned here too, as well as tattooing and in some counties you can't buy liquor or even beer on Sundays or holidays. I hear the local titty bar is hiring though.

Jessica said...

I forgot to mention, what beer we do have here is 3.2 you have to drive to Kansas if you want cold 6 point beer.

Oh, and the titty bar mentioned above is within not one but TWO trailer parks, so she's got some options on dwellings.

kontan said...

HA! amused.

katie said...

Ha ha! Love it. Sad to say my Missouri is looking better everyday.

Plain Jane said...

Someone should tell her that her little belly is hanging over... you think she knows?

RS said...

Very nice writing style.