2.6.06

Ode to the Wh*res

Years ago I affectionately dubbed the hometown Buffalo Sabres "The Wh*res." On the one hand, it felt like a logical phonetic amendment of the word "Sabres." After all, the "Sabes" or the "bres" doesn't have the same panache as "Wh*res." Additionally, I also felt that it somehow encompassed how my friends and I viewed the relationship we had with the hockey club.

Not in a literal sense, of course.

Though this relationship has spanned 30 years - from discovering NHL hockey in 1976 onward - my 'affair' with this years Wh*res was dizzying. In all honesty at the beginning of the year I didn't expect much from them.

Like a young, ugly hooker, they simply fulfilled a need. Hockey.

"Let's not kid each other. We know what this is. I need to watch a hockey team, and you fit the bill. You ain't pretty but you're wearing skates."

After a year off due to a labour related lockout, I needed it badly - but again, I didn't expect much from them at all... "Pominville? Who the hell is that?!"

(Doug Weight shared the same sentiment this week.)

At first, I only paid them a visit once in a while... Hockey Night in Canada and the occasional local broadcast.

Eventually, as they hit their stride, I started paying a bit more attention. Stringing together 10-15 wins once in a while proved that these wh*res might be worth a second glance. After all, what's more endearing than a hooker with a heart of gold? Especially a hard working hooker.

Every once in a while, though, the hooker would come down with the flu and take a couple nights off. At one point "she" went 8 or so games without a win. I started losing a little bit of faith in her, but deep down I actually cared for her well being. Well, she (they) bounced back and finished strong.

I was truly starting to fall in love. She was no longer the ugly, gangly streetwalker. She made me look forward to seeing her... she gave me comfort, goddamn it. Especially during the playoffs.

The relationship always intensifies in late spring. Sometimes things get heady, other times they're downright dull. This year the wh*res exceeded my expectations tenfold. They pounded the rough and tumble hookers from Philadelpia. They dashed the hopes of the prom queens from Ottawa and they frustrated the hell out of the Dixie Chicks from Carolina, but alas... As we all know, god hates Buffalo. The little hooker that could succumbed to a broken wrist, a broken ankle, a pulled groin, a concussion and the ultimate f*ck you? A strep infection on her left shin.

Yes... my hooker was bitchslapped by the almighty and gangbanged by Atropos and her sisters. Regardless, I really thought she'd pull through. Unfortunately the Dixie Chicks get to go to the dance with the Edmonton Oilers. Hopefully those roughnecks will bend the Chicks over in 4 or 5 games and give them an old fashioned drilling...

As for my whore? She's got the summer to recover and we can start anew next year.

I loves you, baby. You're beautiful. Don't ever change.

28 comments:

Yo Tambien Te Mando Besos said...

Hi Prego,

I'm not a great Hockey fan but like your humor. Glad I found you through Michele today. Have a great weekend.

Evil Biologist said...

Can you do an "Ode to Kurt Russell"?
That would be amazing.

utenzi said...

Michele sent me to see you and the ole town of Buffalo, Prego.

I went to school near Rochester so I remember the intense hockey spirit that could envelop there. Of course this was more college games esp with Union College but the same general idea. Poor Sabres. Of course since I live near Raleigh now, my sympathy for Buffalo doesn't run very deep, Prego.

Like the Bills so often say, see you next year.

KaraMia said...

i've no words...lol
Here via michele today

Twist of Kate said...

Hey there...I came here because I was curious that you knew that I was "twisted" even though it just said "Kate" :) So, I'm here because of Michele's, but she didn't technically send me. Love the post by the way, I used to be SO into Hockey, but we broke up.

Mrs. Darling said...

Dont know much about hockey. Just visiting from Micheles.

Prego said...

Do you know anything about hookers?

Mrs. Darling said...

Nope dont know nothin' 'bout hookers either!

Wordnerd said...

Visiting from Michele's...I'm way down south and know NOTHING about hockey, but I'm a huge sports fan so I definitely understand your love-hate relationship.

FABULOUS picture, by the way.

surcie said...

I don't do sports, but I like your analogy. Well-written as always, P!

jennypenny said...

I was really really hoping for a Bufallo-Edmonton final. (with the Canadian boys winning of course). I totally share in your sentiment though. I am a HUGE.. k.. actually obsessive leaf fan so I know where you are coming from. Maybe next year it will be a q.e.w. final between toronto and bufallo?

here from michele's

Crayonsetc said...

Sorry they didn't make it to the big show... I kind of stopped paying attention when my Av's got knocked out by the ducks!!

Crayonsetc said...

Oh yah, stopped by via Michele this night... to say hello!!

Cyndy said...

I truly lost interest in hockey during the walk out...even though the Avs are a damn good team. Good post! Michele Meet and Greeter here

Yaeli said...

Here in Australia we do really do hockey, but I'm sure many men feel the same way about their football teams.
Michele sent me.

David said...

while I do not understand Hockey, i do love good writing, and YOU HAVE IT here. Thanks - and michele thanks you.

Just a trumpet player said...

As a quebequer, Hockey is part of our culture ; something you not necessarily enjoy but watch anyway sin all the other kids are doing it...

Michele sent me. Have a great weekend !

keda said...

hey babe.fabulous as ever!

i don't know a thing about hockey, (except on grass at school which i was exceptionally bad at even without skates) but...
"Let's not kid each other. We know what this is. I need to watch a hockey team, and you fit the bill. You ain't pretty but you're wearing skates."
... i do support arsenal football team so i understand this line and sentiment completely.


just caught up a bit below too. funny shit.

here via michele*

Carmi said...

Beautifully put. My, how much fun it would be to watch HNIC with you...you must be a hoot when Don Cherry comes on!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Here from Michele today, Prego...I know nothing about any of this, at all....It's like a foreign language to me, but I hope this team comes through for you next year!

Laura said...

I'm a die hard Lightning fan, sorry. But it's so romantic to read about your wh*res. LOL
here from michele ;)

Laura said...

p.s. I went to HS with a guy whose last name was Prego. Any chance you're from Miami?

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I'm back again from Michele's and just as uninformed as I was before! (lol) Hope your weekend is a fun and happy one, Prego.

Anonymous said...

Hi!
Here from Michele - I'm not quite a Hockey fan either and a little out of the loop but your blog is enjoyable & very good!
Happy Saturday and Thanks for stopping bye my corner too.
Smiles,
Chrissie
http://chrisseas-corner.tripod.com

Chrissie said...

Didn't mean for that to post as Anonymous. I had other selected but it didn't give me a spot to enter my name and webpage (as it has this time).
Smiles,
Chrissie

ribbiticus said...

hey prego! i love your analogy! it took your subject matter far beyond the usual sports article. ;)

lisa said...

Hey prego, Michele sent me. I think you don't need an * in Whores, it isn't a curse word, is it?

And even if it were, who the hell gives a fuck? ;)

Atul said...

As a Cavs fan, I know the feeling. I was rooting for the Sabres too, (I went to RIT). Who cares about hockey in the Carolinas anyway? Those aren't real fans. The only good thing is that I can root for Edmonton without a second thought.