It's been a rough time to be in the classroom this month (to say the least). We used to just worry about some heathen science teacher filling our kids' heads with evolution nonsense. Nowadays we worry about some malcontent filling our kids' precious little bodies with buckshot. The second amendment has come back to bite us in the fuzzies. Our general distrust of 18th Century monarchs has forced us to arm ourselves to the teeth. The victims these days are innocents.
Wise philosopher Bobcat Goldwait once observed that you're "more likely to shoot your wife over meatloaf" than an intruder. I also doubt very highly that the local gun-freak is amassing his arsenal in case the Grand Duke of Luxembourg decides to launch a ground assault through Montana.
Yeah, some deluded zealots might pose a threat, but it's not likely a motley crew (or crüe) of toothless and inbred NRA members would be much of a defence. Sh*t. Even the VP had a moronic mishap, busting a cap in the a-s-s of a crony.
If it were up to me, we'd take every weapon on the planet, melt them down and pour the molten metal over Los Angeles, CA and Cheektowaga, NY... but it's not up to me.
Now take a look at at this picture (provided by a co-worker who happened to teach me in seventh grade):
In this photo you have an attorney who ran for City Court Judge, a doctor in Rochester and the world's greatest educator, law abiding members of society - though the kid in front with the eyes closed may for all we know be wearing a dress, pushing around a rusty shopping cart and living behind the dumpsters at the Airport Plaza.
But that's not the point...
The point is this: a simple request for gun-toting idiots. If you are planning a murder-suicide, please do the suicide part first. Don't worry. We'll do our best to find another milk truck driver, drifter or sh*thead.