I "Wonder"...

There were two things I promised myself when I started having children:
One - That they would never have to refer to me as "my real dad," or "my weekend dad." and
Two - That I would answer all of their questions as accurately and truthfully as I can.

Promise number one is pretty easy. All I have to do is weather the slings and arrows their mommy occasionally unleashes, but number two can be downright taxing; particularly when they hit their inquisitive stride at age 3. Needless to say, on occasion you have to resort to "I don't know, buddy. I really don't know." Usually, I give the O-Dog the old "Winter solstice is when the Earth tilts so the sun's rays don't hit the earth as directly..." treatment but I'll have to say the other day he stumped me.

A friend of mine gave me Alex Ross' Mythology since I'm into art. The O-Dog is into superheroes lately, so my wife sat with him to thumb through it.

O-Dog Who's this, mommy?
Mom That's Wonder Woman.
O-Dog Oh. Wonder Woman. This is Wonder Woman, daddy.
Me That is Wonder Woman, Rock.
O-Dog (Pause) What is she wondering?

Of course we had a good laugh at this, in a "cute things little bastards say" vein. But then I pondered the dozens of possible answers I could give him, as if any man could ever do so.

  1. "She's wondering if her her butt looks big in that outfit."
  2. "She's wondering if she should get a breast reduction."
  3. "She's wondering if that cow Sue Richards is hotter than she is."
  4. "She's wondering if she should give up her career and start thinking about a family."
  5. "She's wondering whether or not she should trade in the invisible jet and get a something a little more sensible (in case she does settle down and start a family)."
  6. "She's wondering if she came across a bit too bitchy at the last Justice League meeting."
  7. "She's wondering if it would be "un-superheroine" to get a tasty belly-button ring."
  8. "She's wondering if she really needs another pair of shoes..."
  9. "She's wondering if she's "settling" for Aquaman, or if Superman will ever come around.
  10. "She's wondering if she makes as much money as Batman. And if not, why the $#@* not?!
The best I could do was, "Buddy. she's wondering where all the bad guys are."


rob said...

She's wondering if her lassoed foes are really opening up, or just telling her what she wants to hear.

Inspired. It's about time you posted again.

Mary Tsao said...

I really liked that chick when I was little. I'm not sure I noticed that she was running around barely clothed. I'm guessing you noticed, though.

I love what your kid said. That's classic.

jfh said...

Hooray for O-Dog. Three year olds are the best, and did you know that is the year when little boys have the most intense psychic connection with their mom? and my comment to you about what you commented on my blog, about finishing the novel and all?
oh man, prego, it sounds like you're going to be too busy for quite a while. my unsolicited advice to you is
don't do it unless it really is fun
don't do it unless you are unconscionably COMPETITIVE and have to prove something.......like me!

missjackie said...

Too funny.

I have been wondering about #9 myself since I was a little girl:

"She's wondering if she's "settling" for Aquaman, or if Superman will ever come around.

That AND she's wondering when her superpower jewelry is going to go on sale again at Target.

Jacques Roux said...

She's wondering if she should switch up to SPF 90 sunscreen while flying her invisible jet. Ozone layer depletion, and all.

Kat said...

And what are the other superheroes wondering about her?

Plumkrazzee said...

Priceless. Michele sent me back again, i'm diggin' this.