Postponed, Due to Lack of Interest

I tried to bond with the O-Dog today. A little pre-maturely, perhaps.

O-Dog: I didn't understand Hannah's biography on Tara Lipinski. Who's Tara Lipinski?

Prego: A figure skater. Which one's Hannah?

O-Dog: The one with short hair and glasses.

Prego: Oh. She's cute. Don't you think she's cute?

O-Dog: I don't know. I don't like her.

(hmmm...)

Prego: Well, who do you think is the cutest girl in your class, then?

O-Dog: I don't KNOW!

Prego: Oh, you're not there yet?

O-Dog: Where?

Prego: You don't notice girls.

Here's the part that cracked me up inside...

"Notice girls? What do you mean, 'notice girls'? What's to notice? 'Oh. Look. She's doing her homework. Wow.'"

Granted, in about six years, he'll be drooling like a Pavlovian O-Dog, hiding his

"nerb *" as he goes to the chalkboard.

(*nerb: from the acronym NRB, for 'no reason boner.')

In the meantime, he could see no reason whatsoever to notice the fairers.

I thought of all the other lackluster things he'd be bound to notice... when he's not paying attention to b-cups, visible panty lines, freckles, that sexy little red mark on the back of the calf she gets after she's had her legs crossed for the past 38 minutes, bra straps, toothy and winsome smiles, stylish glasses, barrettes, hanes for hers, tasty beauty marks, come-hither glances...

Here, then, is a ho-hum list of "What's to notice...?"

"Oh look. She's watching Grey's Anatomy."

"Oh look. She's eating cobb salad with dressing on the side."

"Oh look. She didn't flush. She must have been on the phone with a friend when she shat."

"Oh look. A splattoo."

"Oh look. She's driving a Beetle"

"Oh look. She's texting while driving."

"Oh look. She's browsing the poetry aisle."

"Oh look. She ordered a multi-syllabic coffee beverage. With skim milk... f*cking up the whole queue this morning."

"Oh look. She subscribed to "Cooking Light."

"Oh look. She left make-up residue all over the sink."

"Oh look. She's pissed about 30 things and needs to let you know all about it. (29 of them are about you.)"

"Oh look. Mich Ultra."

"Oh look. She jogged her boobs away."

"Oh look. She has 13 cute car air-fresheners."

"Oh look. Her dog fits in her purse."

"Oh look. Liberal bumper stickers."

"Oh look. She's 'experimenting.'" (Oooh. That lacked foresight.)

"Oh look. She said 'Chai.'"

"Oh look. An Ani DiFranco CD."

"Oh look. She's giving us a play-by-play of her daily routine on facebook."

"Oh look. She owns the complete 'Sex in the City' DVDs."

"Oh look. She hates the three Stooges."

"Oh look. She doesn't 'get' sports."

"Oh look. She rides vintage bike and wears thrift store clothing."

"Oh look. She's vajazzled."

I could go on... but on the other hand, there are the sun dresses... hair tosses, arms akimbo, hips, lips, short hairstyles, long hairstyles... tennis...