Chain of Pain

A little word-play game I've been playing... a variation on the muscle-headed, menacing quote: "Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor."

A few years ago I added "... and the ambulance hitting fifty (mph) on the way to the hospital." One of my boys, J. Sales appreciated the humor, so we've been adding the "hits" lately. Let's see how many hits we can take it to:
  1. Me hitting you.
  2. You hitting the floor.
  3. The witnesses hitting 9-1-1 in horror.
  4. The paramedics hitting you up with an IV
  5. The ambulance hitting fifty on the way to the hospital.
  6. Your mom hitting her knees when she gets the news.
  7. The gurney hitting the emergency room door.
  8. The doctors hitting you up with reconstructive surgery.
  9. The newspapers hitting the stands with the story.
  10. The jello hitting your chin, because you won't be able to eat anything else for months.
  11. You hitting the remote to change the news channel showing showing your ass getting medical attention.
  12. Your family hitting your friends for cash at a benefit to cover your medical bills.
  13. The judge hitting his gavel, acquitting me, because you're a punk anyway.
  14. The hospital's collection agency hitting you up for the past due balance.
  15. Kids hitting it when they see your f***ed up face coming up the street.
  16. You, hitting yourself, saying "Why? WHY???"
And Prego, hitting the "Publish Post" button with this dumb, f***ing blog-post.


rob said...

...and the retort:

17. You hitting snooze, disengaging the alarm that roused you from this Kafkaesque dream that made you think you could actually kick my ass.

18. You hitting the treadmill, cuz you need to increase circulation in your legs in order to avoid the gout...GRAMPA.

19. Ewe hitting should be outlawed, because there is already far too much abuse of female sheep...except by you...who chooses to abuse boy sheep...because you are gay when it comes to sheep. "Sheep gay", if you will.

20. If you were to dial "hit-ting" on your phone, you'd press 448-8464. If you add a 1-900 in front of that...yeah...you get your mom. She's a who-were.

21. I know a guy named Jonathan Hitt. He likes Asian girls. He married a girl named Ing. She weighs, like, 20 pounds. Her penis is bigger than yours.

22. Who likes acrostic poetry?

I think you need
To suck less, because
There's a chance the polar
Ice caps will melt due to the
Negatively charged particles emitted by your lack of awesome, you

Yeah...I'm just waiting for Wilber Valderrama's phone call.

Prego said...

nicely played!