20.1.06

Happy Belated Birthday, Bill Murray Edgar.


Every January 19th, a mysterious character drops by the gravesite of Edgar Allan Poe to drop off some roses and a bottle of cognac. A nice way to celebrate his birthday, if you ask me. Apparently, this guy's been doing it for fifty-seven years, which means one of two things:

1. The gentleman got this bright idea in his early twenties and is now in his late seventies or eighties. I doubt anybody younger than nineteen would have had any trouble purchasing liquor back then, but the gesture requires the capacity for reverence and a touch of sublety that is absent in the teen years.

2. It's been more than one guy during that time-span.

Either way, it's a case of "I wish I'd thought of that." So, not to be undone, I tought I'd compile a list of notable birthdays and ways to 'pay props' to those who have passed before us on their birthdays - month by month (for the rest of the year).

FEBRUARY - After braving travel through (yawn) Indiana to Fairport Fairmount, I'll stop by the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles for a copy of their driver's manual to drop off at Park Cemetery along with a tube of Neosporin for the cigarette burns on James Dean's remains.

MARCH - There's the old joke, that if Mama Cass would have given Karen Carpenter a bite of her sandwich, they'd have both lived. Anorexia Nervosa is nothing to joke about... so I won't be leaving Karen any sandwiches at her resting place. No Cheetos, either. Karen gets a copy of a Dixie Chicks CD. There's a lesson to be learned from Natalie Maines: a gal who can take getting called "chubby" without succumbing to self-destructive eating disorders.

APRIL - (Goddamnit! Indiana!) Nothing says NASCAR like missing teeth and Schlitz. At Dale Earnhardt's grave I'd like to leave a novelty sticker of a mischievous little boy peeing on the logo and number of the other hick that drove him off the track.

MAY - Though I'd need little coaxing to muster up a trip to Paris, I'd stop by the Pere Lachaise cemetery, stop by (no, not Morrison's grave...) Isadora Duncan's resting place with a feather boa and a bottle of ACME brand axle grease.

JUNE - Norma Jean Baker... Ah... you were so young (sniff-sniff) A candle in the wind, indeed, but a doorknob is more apropos... as is a tube of KY jelly.

JULY - California has cornered the market on notables' graves. Ronald Reagan, whom some consider to be one of America's greatest presidents, rests in Simi Valley. Anybody know where I can get a pair of beer goggles there? Nancy Davis? Even a 'B' lister himself could have bagged himself a hotter piece of ass... particularly after Jane Wyman (grrrrrrowl).

AUGUST - Though there's no real gravesite to visit, I'm sure there's enough fish crap in the waters of the Ganges and Pacific Ocean for me to pay tribute to the ashes of Jerry Garcia. Thanks for the legacy of hippiedom.

SEPTEMBER - Another cremated notable rests in Lake Geneva, Switzerland. To honor the memory of Faroukh Bulsara, I'd like to throw a pair of leather chaps into its waters.

OCTOBER - If anybody ever ventures out to Heptonstall Churchyard in Yorkshire England and finds the knobs to a Viking 36" VGSO near Sylvia Plath's grave, you'll know I was there. The boogers probably belonged to Ted Hughes.

NOVEMBER - At the risk of sounding maudlin, I'd love to leave Rodney Dangerfield (choke) something he always wanted... (wipe of tears)... Respect... Auuugghhh.... (sound of sobbing and scampering feet fading into distance)

DECEMBER - What can you say about Keith Richards... (oh. wait.. he's still alive.) Oh well. I guess that just leaves Heather O'Rourke, who get's a 15 minute egg timer left for her at Westwood Memorial Park along with a dusty VHS copy of Poltergeist III.

21 comments:

Jeff said...

Thats true he does look like Bill Murray did you see Lost in translation by the way... I highly recommend that one

Plumkrazzee said...

New Post, WHoo HOo! I'm sure they would all appreciate a memorial service ala Prego.

Jacques Roux said...

Brilliant, yet again.

kenju said...

Very creative, Prego! Michele sent me this time.

Viamarie said...

Amazing site. Just dropping by from Michelle.

lisa said...

Michele sent me. I'm gonna peek around now. I've not been here before.

J&J'sMom said...

Hmmm...good idea for my upcoming blogaversary. I wonder what happens to the cognac after sitting a while...hmmmm??? Dropping in from Michele's ;0) Hi!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Oh lordy..this made me smile.

Here via Michele's.

Jude said...

another form of homage... Have you ever stolen a garden gnome from some unsuspecting flower garden, taken him on vacations with you, photographed him, and sent the photos back to the home you stole him from.....

ribbiticus said...

keith richards is still alive! omg! great plans you've got here to pay tribute to classic dead dudes. :)

Claire said...

That's just such a funny post!

Suzanne said...

well that's one way to do it isn't it?
Hi from Michele's m&g

Bitchet said...

prego. i read that the guy who first started going to poe's grave died a number of years ago and pasted the torch onto one of his sons.

"For decades, a frail figure made the visit to Poe's grave. In 1993 the original visitor left a cryptic note saying, "The torch will be passed." A later note said the man, who apparently died in 1998, had handed the tradition on to his sons."

Plain Jane said...

I should not have read this while slightly intoxicated. FUNNY!

Courtney said...

He is looking a little like Bill, isn't he? Or that should be the other way around.
Here via Michele this morning.

utenzi said...

Michele sent me, Prego. I hope that lake effect snow isn't getting to you.

I can't say I think of Reagan as a great president but I certainly agree that Davis was an odd choice. I've always thought she'd be a sure cure for an erection. She just gives off a chill! Gives "just say no" a lot more meaning.

Jessica said...

hello! Michelle sent me!
I loved Bill Murray in Broken Flowers.

Ahh...Poe... I remember having to memerize the Raven when I was in school.

d.challener roe said...

Very funny stuff.

Her via Michele's M&G and Jeni's blogroll.

Lazy Daisy said...

What a wonderful mind you have! Such talent too. Great visit once again, Michele says hi too!

srp said...

Here from Michele.
You could put an empty safe on Jimmy Hoffa's grave, that is if you could find it.
Great post.

aka_monty said...

One of those unexpected giggles slipped past my lips when I got to June. ;)

Howdy y'all, Michele sent me today! But I lurk 'round here anyhow.