You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Proponents of 1972's landmark Title IX law could have never envisioned the monumental strides American women have made since the law went into effect over 30 years ago. The law provides women with equal opportunity, mandating that any institution that receives federal funding prohibit gender based discrimination. Aside from the obvious educational benefits, which have resulted in a substantial increase in degrees conferred upon women, we've also seen dramatic growth in women's sports. From the softball diamonds of the colleges, to the WNBA young girls have made monumental gains in self-esteem, health and career opportunities.

We can now add "high profile Postal whacko" to the illustrious list.

Of course, there have been some notable female killers in the bloodied history of the United States. The hatchet job Lizzie Borden pulled in the 19th Century comes to mind, as do the numerous isolated instances of Post-Partum carnage that dot the news tickers. Until now, however, most sanguinary behaviour of grandiose proportions were solely chalked up in the male column. The term "going postal" generally evoked images of a maladjusted Vietnam Vet losing his marbles after losing his gig, coming back to the Post Office packing a couple rifles and a ham sandwich and laying his previous co-workers to waste. You've also got the Jr. Modified version with the conventional image of a pimply, morose teen who is upset that he got picked last for gym or that all his other buddies are getting more tail than he. The lion's share of these cases have been the handiwork of men.

That's why Jennifer San Marco is such a breath of fresh air. No longer do we have to dismiss truly psychopathic behaviour to such intrinsically female factors such as menstruation and the irrational behaviour that some feel accompany it. Since there were no offspring involved, you could also throw the aforementioned Post-Partum Depression alibi out with the proverbial bath water. All we're left with is the true essence of Jennifer. Of course, girlfriend was coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs - not just nuts; she was nuts for a girl. That's some high quality insanity that goes far and beyond what any boyfriend/husband has had to endure on an otherwise uneventful Saturday afternoon.

San Marco is probably not going to de-throne the Patron Saint of Lunacy, Chas. Manson. She's more of the type of crazy you see in your neighborhood - the large lady, wearing unflatteringly revealing clothing sans brassiere, the one who laughs to herself, or the woman rolls boogers and flicks them at the window of the convenient store to see if they stick. Her sh*t went unchecked enough to land her a job in, of all places, (INSERT CLICHE HERE) a postal facility.

Two years after leaving her job, homegirl coolly walks into a pawn shop and buys the Charlton Heston model Saturday Night Special after passing the "stringent" background check in New Mexico - where it's apparently slightly more difficult to procure a side arm than in Old Mexico.

Clerk - "Um, why are you purchasing this gun?"
Jennifer - "Gnaarph - biggle biggle bluurrrrb (snort) Wooobie-Woobie dackg Beelzebub daaaaah snrrreeeep"
Clerk - "Oooooh-Kay... Whatever you say, baby."(turns to co-clerk and draws imaginary loops around his ears) "That'll be $325 plus tax."


The rest, as they say, is 'her'story. Jennifer's legacy is secured at the expense of the unfortunate souls that didn't see the crazy bitch coming. How could they? They were lulled into a false sense of security, expecting the bearded chap with a beer gut and chili stained sweat-shirt. Or perhaps the slackjawed pizza-face with the signature trench coat. Little did they have to fear when they saw frumpzilla waltzing in packing heat and a sour disposition.

Virginia Slims is mighty proud of you, babe.

Unfortunately Jennifer opted out of sticking around to see the giant leap she just took for womankind. "One small cap to bust for a woman..." and all that. You're playing with the big-boys now. If she could say anything now, I'm sure she'd impart us with "Gnaarph - biggle biggle bluurrrrb (snort) Wooobie-Woobie dackg Beelzebub daaaaah snrrreeeep"