My Christmas Was in June

I stopped into the local Starbucks today, on the way to work. I seldom carry cash, and it's the only neighborhood coffee shop that doesn't have the $3-5 minimum purchase requirement for debit card purchases.

I'm very conscious of music, so whenever I walk into a place it's usually the first thing that registers. It sounded eerily like the kind of 19th Century European churcy music that makes caucasoids feel warm and fuzzy in December.

"Is this Christmas music?" I ask the Plain Jane standing in queue in front of me.
"I think so," she responds, motioning for me to notice all the snowmen and Crapmas knickety-knackety sh*t for sale. "It's a little early for me."

"Me too," I replied.

The line breezed through pretty quicky and I was up to bat.

"Large coffee, please."

The clerk turns around to pour the beverage and returns to the counter. "Can I get you anything else?"

"No thank you," I say as I hand over my charge card.

He runs the card through, turns around and says, "Venti Christmas blend. $1.90. Happy holidays."

The fist thing that struck me was that he actually corrected me and my 'order' with the "venti" thing, but it took me an extra few seconds to process the f*cking "Christmas" remark.

I stood perplexed, looking at the bright red paper cup, the snowflakey sleeve and my credit card in my hand, feeling like I just got a reach-around from Tiny Tim's mother. Then my eyes started darting around the place, waiting for Santa or Frosty or some other Christmas a**hole to come by to add some holiday flavour to this nightmare.

I left in a daze, trying to ascertain whether the three weeks after election day had been cancelled without my notice. I chuckled to myself as I made my way to the exit as another patron smiled at me and said, "I know."

And god chafe us, everyone.


~A~ said...

I was glad to see winter holiday crap at Starbucks today. See, they're the only ones that carry a travel mug thingy for hot beverages that doesn't leak when closed and tipped over in a size that fits MH's patrol car drink holders. The Halloween one he has was a bit out of date so I bought him the freaky snowman one.

I was a little pissed that they ran out of the pumpkin spice syrup so I had to have a gingerbread latte. I drink lattes religiously 3 months out of the year and I want the syrup flavor of my favorite before I go back to black. Is it too hard for them to stock pumpkin spice through November? I think I need to write a bitchy email or something. :D

keda said...


oh the joy of being a tea drinker in turkland.

i only visit starbucks when i run out and need to replenish my ground coffee at home or when shoe shopping with the stop-dragging-your-feetlets. about 6 monthly.

and then i tend to go with the mumble and point technique or snap 'large black'. i can't drink let alone deal with the tongue twisting involved in ordering sissy coffee.

but although i hated seeing christmas shit in blighty in november, around here we are lucky to see anything festive even on christmas eve, so i felt a wee bit jealous of the snowflakey sleeve and am wondering if a seasonal trip to the shopping centre might just be worth a try. in abut 3 weeks.

kenju said...

We need to find a way to rebel so that businesses understand we are already holidayed to death and don't want them to start it any sooner than after Thanksgiving.

Michele sent me.

Carrie said...

When did we start getting in such a hurry? Does life suck so bad that we have to have something to look forward to?

Theo said...

i'm sure there is profit oriented reason for the rush by Thanksgiving and on to Christmas...

and, come now! get with the Starbuck lingo...large indeed!!


Theo said...

btw, Michele sent me.

Catherine said...

In New Zealand some people really do celebrate Christmas in June - well, not totally, but midwinter Christmas parties are not uncommon. After all, traditional Christmas food is more appropriate in winter. Christmas here is barbequeues, and strawberries.
Michele sent me

Dave said...

The world's gone mad. Here from Michele's today.

Shephard said...

..but how was the coffee? lol

visiting from Michele's.

rampant bicycle said...

You know, there are some holiday things I don't actually MIND so much seeing up early (Christmas lights, for instance. I love Christmas lights!) and some things I could really do without till, oh, the week before.

Mostly, at times like these, I just feel sorry for the poor employees who have to say "Happy Holidays!" and listen to the music till Christmas actually comes round. I've been there. I keep wanting to say to the people behind the counters "I know! It's not your fault!"

But maybe then they'd just think I was crazy. ;)

Hi from Michele's!

jennypenny said...

Lol. I too was hit with the holidays at Starbucks! How ironic.. execpt for I am the pretensious Starbucks drinker you hate. So I guess you should just be happy that you only got stuck with a condesending cashier and a holiday cup instead off all of that AND me ordering in front of you. Haha always gotta look on the bright side :P

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It seems to be Christmas throughout the year.

Anonymous said...

Hey Prego. Had some drama at the Pickle Pad and had to switch names again. Don't know how long i'll be around, am still trying to get some privacy issues cleared up...wanted you to know.

sage said...

I don't normally go to starbucks (I chose looking establishments and live in one of three towns in the states that don't have a starbucks), but I did have a chance to visit starbucks this past week, driving on the Ohio Turnpike to Pgh. I too was shocked with all their Christmas gifts and their Christmas blend being sold... There is something to be said for the religious tradition of having to go through Advent--a period of waiting and anticipation--before arriving at Christmas, but once Madison Ave got a hold of the holiday, it was doomed... That's my rant of the day.

Sophie T. Mishap said...

Look, you mustn't get so uptight about this. Remember what God said:

'Fatten up thine hasty tinsel-draped and antler-crowned enemies at Thanksgiving so that only gifts with elastic waistbands will serve to cover their gross and bloated bodies.'

tiff said...


It's much too soon for all this to be happening. Are all the retailers out to make us feel like we're totally behind the curve 8 WEEKS before the Happy Day?

Sage is onto something - Bring back Advent!!

glomgold said...

Boy does that suck.