You Dropped an "F" Bomb on Me, Baby.

My brother has become really irritated with me lately. It bothers him that I've become nearly saint-like when it comes to my language. What really bugs him is when I groan at him, roll my eyes or flat out chastise him for commenting that "She was f*cking fire hot," or yelling "F*ck Mel Gibson, that NAZI *sshole."

It's not that I'm pious or priggish. It's that he does that in front of the goddamned kids. He doesn't have the presence of mind that censors one's choice expletives because there are kids in the back seat, the kitchen or the lobby of the Greater Buffalo International Airport.

I, on the other hand, have grown quite accustomed to spelling sh*t out in front of the lads. I'm not that good, though.

Mrs. P: You're a jerk, you know that.
Prego: Eff - you, man. I'm sick of your S-H-I-crap.

My brother, in the meantime, doesn't let me forget that I once referred to babies as "c*nt turkeys," and that I used the "F" word like a mathematician uses parentheses. Those f*cking days are long gone - at least when speaking. Writing is another story altogether.

Suzanne perfects the fine art of procastination by hosting this week's from Seattle f*cking WA. She wants to know what some of your favourite 'choice' words are.

Some in my daily personal repertoire include (besides S-H-I-crap):
What the fudgescicles!
Jesus, Mary and Curtis Joseph.
Mother pus bucket.
(I don't give a) flying rat's ass.
Shut the H-E
f*cking hell up!

That's just the printable tip of the iceberg. Pay her a friendly f*cking visit...


sage said...

children do make some people more attuned to language, but not all... How's the suspension from hockey going?

~A~ said...

I'm with you. When I'm writing or talking and there's no kids around, certain words are used or slip out. But I watch what I say around the kids, which pisses me of because Honey doesn't.

Which leads to things like "LRB" and Pixie cussing out the raccoons. :P


keda said...

i try to watch my language around the kids.
but i'm pretty crap at that to be honest.

though they tend to so far only pick up the funnier side of my potty mouth.
so far.... oh bugger.

i'll try harder sir i promise.

Prego said...

sage - The suspension sucks. Though I play every Sunday morning, I'm having a tough time finding a supplemental weeknight skate.

~a~ Sometimes it backfires. The O-Dog's been known to say "Mom, this show is pretty G-A-Y."

keda - When I was in Liverpool a few years back there was a twelve year old girl calling her friends "c*nts". That made me cringe, though nobody around batted an eyelash. I get the feeling you're more tolerant across the pond.

Anonymous said...

I love that you used the phrase "goddamn kids" to make a point about not swearing in front of the kids. Hilarious.

SeaRabbit said...

I'm not paying attention to kids around either when I have to express some very emotional issues.. .;-)) and, the day you realised that they are even worst than you, you just laugh... ;-)but, as you wrote, no, I wouldn't tolerate that my daughter calls her friends c*nts... In fact, it is not a word that is a lot in use here... ;-)

jennypenny said...

F*ckbeans. Thats a definite fave. I say swear like a sailor but agree with you that we shoul keep it at a minimum around the kiddies. Who knows what our f-bombs could lead them to.

Sarah said...

I'm terrible. I curse worse than a sailor.

My son says F*ck. I should be more careful.

Michele says hil

Suzanne said...

Oh, I like Jesus, Mary, and Curtis Joseph! You've got some good ones, Prego!

And fuckbeans. That's a good one, too.

I'm usually pretty good about not cursing around the kiddie crowd, unless said child happens to be at the theater during technical rehearsals.

Any parent who brings a child to tech has to accept whatever profanity may fly out of anyone's mouth at any time. It's an adult zone, not required (much less expected) to be kid-friendly. Bring them at your own risk...

Carrie said...

Good for you! But I normally call children F*ck Trophies.

tiff said...

I'm sorry - did you say ANYTHING after "cunt turkeys"?


My kiddies are at an age that they "get" cursing and think it's funny when used humorously, yet know that THEY'RE not supposed to use it. The 11-year-old is a little too partial to "bastard" for my comfort,however.

Carrie said...

Have you thought anymore about entering this?

Carmi said...

Amen, brother. I can swear with the best of them. In fact, I suspect I'm qualified to teach a college-level course on profanity. But around my kids, I bristle when I hear others cross the line.

We can be seriously creative around here when we think of alternatives to the more common four-letter words.

I once called profanity the "language of the lazy" in an interview. I maintain that to this day.

Sophie T. Mishap said...

As much as I love swearing, I really don't miss it at the workplace. Less reason to swear now, I guess.

rob said...

I think Tommy Tiernan said it best when he said, "The English language is like a brick wall between you and me and FUCK is my chisel."