Homo, Homo on the Range...

Homophobes rejoice.

You've got a new addition to your already abundant lexicon. Feel free to add BROKEBACK to your repertoire of taunt and intolerance.

Yeeeeeh-hawwww.
(click on comic to enlarge)

Granted, Hollywood and televsion have been a good, steady source of catchphrases, lingo and jargon:
Eg.

"What'choo talkin'bout?"
"Where's the beef?"
"Show me the money!"
"Fair is FAIR!"

Especially for the homoerotic

"Best Boy"
"Where's the beef?"
"Grip"
"Understudy"

None of you, however, expected BROKEBACK. It was a freebie... kind of like getting the extra Twix bar from the break room vending machine. A small group of you actually saw the film, either at the arm of a fawning female, gushing over how brave Ledger and Gyllenhaal were to have undertaken such a role, or wearing a fake beard and sunglasses.

Most of you could care less about watching two 'fellas' donning cowboy hats giving each other the reach-around while drinking a $4.50 small soda and a $3.75 bag of saturated popcorn. The media and your girlfriends have saved you the trouble by singing the praises of the "gay cowboy" movie, so fear not. You needen't watch it to join in on the cavalcade of slurs and 'in you end-o'.

Here then are several novel uses for the term. Let's begin with the obvious "Mountain" variations. You may precede these with, "He's:"

"a Brokeback Mountaneer"
"a Brokeback Mountain Ranger"
"a Brokeback Mountain Climber"
"climbing, camping on or scaling Brokeback Mountain"
"Skiing Brokeback Mountain" (which you can follow up with an accompanying 'ski pole' reference while miming the action with your hand)

Then, "He's"
"on Brokeback Park patrol"
"a stunt double on Brokeback Mountain"
"Sending out Brokeback Mountain Postcards for Valentine's day"
"Hitchiking to Brokeback Mountain"
or "Is he the Yogi or the Boo Boo in that Brokeback National Park?"
"Did you hear about Jack? He got all Brokeback after high school."

The possibilities are endless.
"Dude, lose the cowboy hat. You look like the Brokeback guy in the Village People."
"Kenny Chesney: The Brokeback Tour."

A homophobic father's dilemma
"Um... honey. About Jr.? I think he's got a little Brokeback in him."

Lover's spat?
"Looks like a shoot-out at the Brokeback Corral"
"(Crackle) Attention all units. We have reports of a domestic at 123 Brokeback Street."

Casual observer?
"Look... those two dudes are going Brokeback on each other."
"Tres Brokeback. All they're missing are the spurs and the hats," though throwing in the French is a little Brokeback.
"Oooh... Patrons from the Brokeback Saloon."

Lowbrow and drunk:
"Hey Brokeback... (burrrp) Come on over here sssho I can (hic) kick yer ass."

Highbrow and drunk:
"I don't know if it's the Cosmopolitans talking, (hiccup) but I'm feeling a little Brokeback vibe from Professor Wiggins. I might just be drunk enough."

Sports
"He's the starting wide receiver for the Brokeback Mountain Lions."
Over-affectionate pal?
"Dude, it's just a game. Don't get all f*cking Brokeback on me."

Music
"Was Justin Timberlake in the "Broke'street Boys or New Kids on the Block?"

And finally, the subtle...
"Sniff-Sniff. Is that Stetson or Brokeback?"


You can devise your own permutations ad nauseum. It seems to be the latest rage, regardless of your orientation. Unfortunately, Boys Don't Cry didn't serve the same purpose for the ladies. Personal Best also failed to yield good results.